Oct 19th 2019
Tags: steam, pc, harem, dating sim, freemium
Table of Contents
Recent Articles
- Early Accsex: Orc Massage
Jun 13th 2022 | Editorial
You are a big green orc with a penchant for massage. Your goblin friend encourages you to start a career by offering massages to the local population of monster girls. Your three VIP clients each have their own short story to progress which evolves in to more... attentive massages each time. Are there strict ethical guidelines that every massage therapist must follow in order to maintain their license? Yes, but when these VIP clients want the big green D it would honestly just be rude to refuse.
- Hentai Houseparty: Gyaru Gangbang
Apr 9th 2022 | Review
You are a college aged "loser virgin" who was recently blackmailed into letting 3 gals move into your house. While they start off bossing you around and running the show, once they experience your supermassive junk they become your ever loving sex slaves. But how far can you push their limits? Turns out, pretty dang far.
- Squid Girls 18+
Mar 26th 2022 | Review
You are a young man named Craig. You love money and are great at manipulating people. After a failed suicide attempt you join a contest to win an obscene amount of money. The only catch? Alright you get it. It's Squid Games. We all know the deal. Even if you haven't seen the show you've probably absorbed enough through cultural osmosis to get the gist.
Popular Articles
- Early Accsex: Orc Massage
Jun 13th 2022 | Editorial
You are a big green orc with a penchant for massage. Your goblin friend encourages you to start a career by offering massages to the local population of monster girls. Your three VIP clients each have their own short story to progress which evolves in to more... attentive massages each time. Are there strict ethical guidelines that every massage therapist must follow in order to maintain their license? Yes, but when these VIP clients want the big green D it would honestly just be rude to refuse.
- Last Origin
Feb 29th 2020 | Review
This review is going to be a little different (I know I say that a lot). Last Origin is only available in Korea, and while there is an English patch for the Android version, it only translates most of the menu options. All of the character dialogue is unreadable to me. Because of that, I almost didn't know if I should review this game
- Make It Sexy: Ultra Street Fighter IV
Jan 27th 2020 | Editorial
As stated in my review of Fight Angel, Street Fighter is one of my favorite series of all times. Not only does it have the best (for me) combat system, but it has some of the hottest characters in existence. Fighting games always have the best girls/boys, and this game proves it. But can we make it... sexier?
Similar Articles
- Crystal Maidens
Dec 17th 2019 | Review
When your ship sinks, you find yourself on a mysterious island controlled by evil. By fighting enemies you gather crystals to summon a powerful harem of maidens to fight back. Level up your maidens by flirting and sleeping with them, and free the world from darkness.
- Early Accsex: League of Maidens
Mar 30th 2021 | Editorial
You are a warmaiden! A genetically altered super human capable of amazing feats like *checks notes* swing big sword and fly. Also giantess mode. Why not? You must save humanity from an evil force that wishes to exterminate all life.
- Being a DIK: Season 1
Apr 8th 2020 | Review
You are a bright young student who just got accepted into B&R college! You have to navigate classes, pledging a frat, and juggling multiple love interests! But you also have a girl back home to think about. Or do you? You don't really know, but you're doing the best you can!
Booty Calls
Skip Straight to the Horny Parts
Synopsis
What is a poor mermaid to do??
Booty Calls is a freemium VN browser game that's also available for Steam. If it weren't on Steam I wouldn't have come across it. I've been on the steam platform for so long that having legit porn games on it is still a complete novelty. I've bought several since I opened this site and reviews for them will be coming in the future.
Your nameless protagonist comes across a woman masturbating in public. But wouldn't you know it? She's actually a mermaid that made a deal with a sea witch to grow legs! (And a 'pussy', she won't let us forget to mention), but we're the only ones that can see her. The mermaid needs you to date and sleep with as many women as possible for, reasons? I guess so she can become a full human? Just go with it, the plot isn't the important thing here.
The game plays like a standard VN. You meet girls, make dialogue choices, and they respond accordingly. All interactions cost energy which, you guessed it, recharges over time. This is freemium after all. You get 20 energy and recharge a single point every 6 minutes. Talking to a girl takes 1 energy, going on a date or having sex takes 4. If you're thinking that's going to take way to long to see everything, don't worry. The creators were generous enough to let you pay real earth money for more of everything in the game.
Talking to the girls is your standard wish fulfillment dating dialogue. Your character says wild and inappropriate stuff to a girl they've never met, and the girls react well. It's about what you'd expect in a game like this. The main thread here is that everyone on the planet seems to be a large breasted woman who is way into you. Some of the dialogue suggests the existence of large asses, but I've yet to find one. Spending money can increase traits on girls that make you more successful on dates. Every 4 correct dialogue choices you make allows you to ask a question, all sexual of course.
If you think you have what it takes, you can take a girl on a date. This mechanic most closely resembles a game instead of a VN. A specific game actually. It's pretty much Tsum Tsum. If you get enough points, you succeed and a picture of the girl in question arrives on your phone. (The in game phone, not your real one, that would be crazy). If you don't get enough points in time don't worry. You can always pay your hard earned real human money to keep going!
Horny Parts
The following is a list of Horny components in this game, in order from least horny to most horny
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The Pictures From Dating
You'd think since these pictures are the primary porn in this game that it would rank higher. But most of them are bathing suit shots. By the way, did I mention that you have a limited amount of photo slots, and once it's full you have to buy more? You can use the in-game money for this but you can also, of course, use your real bucks. The price increases the more slots you buy.
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Sex
Oh boy, you've been on 4 successful dates, and got all the droppable items you need (oh, you didn't? That's okay you can circumvent this with money) and now it's time for sex. This has got to be awesome. Well, actually it's the date game again, but this time if you win you get to see the girl with some jizz on them somewhere.
Don't leave so soon! You almost forgot your reward! Another picture!
Horniest Part
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Dialogue
Usually I put horny dialogue as pretty low on the horniness meter, but the dialogue in this game is insane. A lot of it is very uncanny valley. Especially since it's fully voiced and the line delivery is a little... off. It is, however, the most insane horny shit I've ever seen on a Steam game.
Rating
Negative
This game ain't it. If it was the exact same game but with all the freemium stuff removed, it might be okay. To get anywhere you have to either play every 2 hours when your energy is full, or dump a ton of money into it. It's just not worth it for the pictures. I have nothing against still images in horny games. If I did this site wouldn't exist because that's most horny games. But to have to pay so much to get there is exploitative. Pile on top of that that the dialogue sounds like how a pickup artist sounds in their head, and it gives it a pretty uncomfortable vibe. Steer clear.